To Be--Walking in Spirit

For a long time in my life, I had been on a quest, searching for—something... I didn’t know what to be honest. I just knew that I was missing something, and I had to find it. The religion I was raised on didn’t seem to have it. I embarked on my own spiritual mission, walking many different paths, all the while searching for that—something. I would get glimpses of it, a touch here, a sense there. It would reach out its hand and then slip away at the last second. It was waiting for me to be ready for what it had to tell me.

You see, I was looking for something huge, something so powerful and inspirational that it would blow my mind, and I would walk every day in a sense of continuous awe. That’s a lot of pressure to put on something, including myself. And now I know why that hand kept pulling back at the last second. I wasn’t ready. The truth of that something, I wasn’t ready for it. Not because it was so huge that it would blow my mind, but that it was so simple it would blow my mind.

I had heard about “being.” It took me a long time to understand it, and finally, to find it.

I first started reading about it in my “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much” book. It talked about just “being” instead of always doing. Seemed like an interesting concept, but I didn’t quite get it. During my time talking with a therapist, she mentioned it too, “Have you tried just being?” I was starting to maybe get it, but not fully. 

I walked many more paths. I tried Ascension mediation. Couldn’t find it there (though others had great success with it.) I had a healing done by a shamanic practitioner, and I felt that “something” getting closer. The path was being illuminated, I just had to see it. That led me to delve into a naturalist training program. The path grew brighter and the pull was stronger. Still, not quite there. 

I finally just began venturing into the woods with no intent or purpose, just to go out there and see what happens. The path grew even brighter. The pull was stronger. I allowed my spirit to be led many places, often with a lesson or gift to be had. Then again, sometimes, there wasn’t a huge surprise waiting for me at the end. Still, I felt right. I knew I was very close. 

A few weeks ago, having done this wandering thing for well over a year now at least a few times a month, I finally felt it and understood. I remembered the desperation I felt, searching for something powerful and great that would speak volumes about the universe. I saw those around me striving for the same thing and finding themselves just as disappointed. We were looking so far and wide we could not see it sitting in front of us. 

I often think of two sentences that with one change makes all the difference: “This is it?” and “This is it!” Too often I had been swarmed by the first sentence. Now I could finally feel, and understand, the second. 

The purpose of wandering the woods was not to find something or get a gift. You go looking for those things and you’ll never find it. Go in empty and see what happens. That’s because in the end, the purpose is not to “do” or to “accomplish.” It’s to be. To be one with all that surrounds you. To fit in as if you were meant to be there the entire time. To understand without words, to be understood without explanation. I found it wandering the woods with no pretenses, no goals, no other desire than to connect. 

And finally I understood what it meant to “be.” I was truly Walking in Spirit. My accomplishments didn’t matter. My failures didn’t matter. I just was, and I was just as important and integral to all being as anything else. No better, no worse. We all were one, and I got there by just “being.” 

They say that babies have an innocence that we have to strive for. The way I see it, what babies do have is an amazing state of “being.” They just know how to be themselves. There are no charades, manipulations, tricks, secrets, etc. They just are. Look at the animals outside. The birds are just that, birds. Butterflies are butterflies. Trees are trees. All connect with the totality of the universe because they know how to just be. 

Many of the adults around me, including myself, only seem to base our worth in this universe on what we “do.” We’re always doing. We’re always envying others that do so much more than we can ever imagine. We praise those that “do.” How often do we praise others for themselves, for just being who they are? When we think of a dear friend, do we like them because of what they do for us or do we like them because we can “be” together? 

I had finally learned what it meant to Walk in Spirit. I had to be. I had to allow myself to be. I had to open, without thoughts of getting an answer, solving a problem, or getting a gift. When I found the secret of being, it wasn’t quite what I was expecting. I had all these dramatic scenes playing out in my head of what I would experience when I found that “something,” but in the end, there was no drama, no theatrics. Regardless, it was so powerful. To finally feel that connection to Spirit, to just be in its presence, to unite at once with every power in the universe and all I’m doing is walking, that was powerful. Truly powerful. Not some false sense of being better or untouchable, but being exactly the same and touching everything. 

That is what it truly means to Walk in Spirit. If you find yourself searching for that “something” like I had, allow yourself to open to possibility, especially in a place of pure spiritual expression, like untamed Nature. Put aside thoughts of “doing” and “achieving” and “solving.” Just go. Just be. Only then will Spirit finally take your hand and show you what it means to be one with the universe. 

No, I don’t walk every moment of my life in utter awe. I am human after all. I’ve had a lot of rough conditioning over the years. However, when I need that connection, I now know how to find it and no longer ache for “something” I can’t describe. I know what I need. I know how to find it. I find it. So can you.